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by orphan_account



Series: help me breathe [2]
Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: M/M, descriptions of violence and gore but nothing deserving of the archive warning, the hanjoo is broken btw. its emo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4712714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehyuk and Sangdo have been trying to one-up each other for years, with petty thefts and tagging in each other’s territories. But now Sehyuk’s got a better idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> SO HEY. i forgot to keep posting this au to ao3 because i was so focused on actually finishing it and putting it up on tumblr???????? so here this is  
> i promise the rest of the au is super super good compared to this + recovery, because i was trying to shove the whole au into these two fics and then decided that wasn't gonna work looooool  
> i hope you enjoy!! kudos + comments are appreciated!

Sehyuk grew up with Sangdo, in the same town, in the same neighborhood, going to the same school and doing the same things. Sehyuk liked him alright, sure, but it was soon clear what sorts of people they were going to turn out to be. Sangdo helped people on the soccer field when they fell down- Sehyuk jumped over them. Sangdo made snacks and brought drinks to the games- Sehyuk stole all the cakes he brought. Sangdo was kind, smiled at people, shook their hands and introduced himself politely and wanted nothing more than to be loved. Sehyuk just wanted to be feared.

And it’s quite a thing of beauty when he sees the tears swimming in an initiate’s eyes, when he sees the way their body trembles and the way they flinch when he calls their name. And it’s another thing entirely to see the difference, from the rebellious gaze and fidgety fingers to the bleeding lips and thick sobs, sobs of “stop” and “help”.

Sangdo hates Sehyuk because Sehyuk doesn’t baby his members. His members are killers, they don’t deserve it; likewise, he doesn’t deserve it either. Sangdo believes in seeing the good in people, appreciating them for who they are instead of what they do, but Sehyuk only cares about the body count and how many shirts they have to replace. He cares about loyalty and obedience, not love or trust or any of that other crap. And he dearly hopes his members feel the same.

He and Sangdo have been trying to one-up each other for years, with petty thefts and tagging in each other’s territories and a few scrapes and bruises here and there. But now, he’s got a better idea.

 

Hansol hates going on trips out with Sangwon, because Sangwon never stops talking. In the house, he’s very quiet, muttering to himself occasionally and only raising his voice when he accidentally hurts himself or when Hansol makes him mad. But while Hansol’s just snuggling down into his coat and scarf in a vain attempt to stay warm, Sangwon is waving his ungloved hands around and talking cheerfully, about-

“So I was there, right, and the dude turns around and I’m like, wham!” Sangwon punches the empty air, and Hansol sees that his fingers are purple. “Then he tries to get me down and I’m like nooo man, so I just-” Sangwon makes a fist with his other hand and makes a stabbing motion, laughing as he does.

Hansol wishes that it was alright for him to give his gloves to Sangwon, but Sangwon wouldn’t take them, and he’d probably tell Sehyuk if he did. So he just looks away from Sangwon’s discolored hands and stares at his shoes instead.

It’s by pure luck that they’re able to find one of Sangdo’s sect out on a walk, which cuts their allotted mission time in half- their original plan was to wait outside Sangdo’s house for one of them to pop out, because in Sehyuk’s own words: “Sangdo’s going to flip his shit no matter who it is, so just grab whoever.”

The guy lingers outside the door for a bit before walking the opposite way and Hansol breathes a small sigh of relief. They head for their target, Sangwon making the first move by grabbing the guy’s arm just firmly enough. He jerks his head in Hansol’s direction and Hansol catches on, taking the other arm and easily hauling the dude off his feet, while he kicks and struggles all the while. He starts asking questions, who they are and why they’re taking him and cursing, cursing them and cursing himself for… not bringing his phone?

 

Hansol and Sangwon get to stick around to watch Sehyuk pull their captive (“Hyosang,” Sehyuk had purred sweetly, grinning, “so glad to see you.”) off the floor slightly by his hair. Hyosang reaches for Sehyuk’s hands and Sehyuk straightens, kicking Hyosang in the face so hard that Hansol hears something crack. He winces slightly, eyes glued to the blood now dripping from Hyosang’s lips. He’s done worse, but still.

“Boys,” Sehyuk says, directed at them, “you’re dismissed. I’ll call you in later.”

Hansol and Sangwon bow slightly, just enough to be acceptable, and then leave, Hansol heading upstairs and Sangwon heading for the kitchen.

Upstairs, there’s a slender black haired boy named Byungjoo that’s curled up in Hansol’s bedsheets, dressed in Hansol’s clothes and with scars from his initiation streaked across his face. Sehyuk got him (from where, Hansol wonders sometimes) a few months ago after he asked Hansol if he “wanted a dog”. Hansol jokingly said yes, and then Sehyuk threw Byungjoo down in front of him a few days later. Hansol only felt a little regretful- the boy couldn’t have been more than sixteen, and here he was with a bleeding lip and broken fingers- but Hansol drew the line at Sehyuk’s request that he finish initiating him. Byungjoo’s eyes were so red and his voice hitched and cracked when he asked Hansol to help him-

“Welcome back!” Byungjoo says brightly, sitting up in bed, and Hansol smiles. Byungjoo holds out his arms and Hansol strides over, letting Byungjoo snuggle into his arms and kiss his cheek. “I missed you lots,” Byungjoo murmurs against Hansol’s skin, nuzzling his face against his, and Hansol nods.

“I missed you too, honey.” _I didn’t._

Byungjoo is told to stay in Hansol’s room, and he tries, but he really needs to pee and Hansol’s not back upstairs yet for him to ask. He’s going to be a good boy and go to the bathroom upstairs, but there’s someone in it, someone that calls “occupied!” with a strained voice when Byungjoo knocks. He starts to go back to Hansol’s room, like he knows he should, but he’s honestly going to piss himself if he doesn’t go to the bathroom downstairs.

He creeps down the stairs, shifting his weight carefully so the wood doesn’t creak beneath him, and then slips around the corner of the banister to walk down the hall to the bathroom. He notices that there’s red spattered on the floor and up the wall, a big blotch of it at eye-level, and he looks around to see that there’s more of it leading to the living room.

_Oh yeah_ , Byungjoo thinks,  _Hansol told me they had that guy… didn’t know they were going to beat him like that, though._

He can’t keep his curiosity at bay, especially with the loud grunts and occasional wet sounds coming from around the wall, so he slinks over to the door facing and peeks around the corner into the living room. He sees that apparently it’s Sangwon’s turn to beat their captive, and Byungjoo winces when Sangwon’s boot makes contact with the body on the ground. Byungjoo’s eyes travel to said body and he feels himself pale at the amount of blood pouring from his mouth, due to missing teeth and a bitten tongue from the looks of it. He frowns, shifting slightly so the door facing isn’t pressing into his chest, and barely saves himself from gasping when Sangwon flicks his switchblade out.

“Hyosang, dear,” Sangwon says, voice gruff as he leans down to grab a handful of Hyosang’s (? apparently that’s his name) curly locks. “I’ve got a great idea, you’re gonna love it!”

Byungjoo bites his fingertips to keep himself quiet- he wants so bad to say something, he wants to yell or throw something to stop Sangwon. Whatever he’s going to do, it can’t be good.

Sangwon gets closer to Hyosang’s face, folding his legs beneath him so he can stay at that level. He sticks his fingers in Hyosang’s mouth (ew) and parts his lips (what?), then eases his knife into the corner of Hyosang’s mouth. And then he turns it very slightly, to get the blade against Hyosang’s cheek, Byungjoo guesses, and then he jerks the knife once, twice- and it breaks through.

Byungjoo can’t stop himself from gasping this time, gasping at the sound of skin ripping and the following blood pouring from Hyosang’s face- and then Hyosang starts screaming, and Byungjoo’s stomach rolls. He throws any thoughts of being quiet away and dashes to the bathroom, making it just in time to hunch over the toilet and heave, choking and gasping and trying not to cry. He fails on that part, tears streaking his face as he sits with his back against the bathroom cabinets and hugs his knees to his chest. He barely registers when Hansol comes in and kneels by him, gently touching his arm, and then he looks up and sees nothing but the blood specks on Hansol’s shirt.

Byungjoo fairly wheezes, scooting away and trying to blink away new tears. “Don’t- don’t hurt me, please-”

“No, shh, I’m not going to hurt you, shh,” Hansol whispers, reaching for Byungjoo, but he puts up his hands and shoves Hansol’s away, shrinking away. Hansol sighs, eventually getting up and leaving, and Byungjoo curls in on himself and cries into his knees.

He can’t get the image out of his head.

 

Byungjoo stays a year, trying to ignore it, before he decides to leave. But, it’s his birthday, so he figures he deserves something before he goes.

It’s a command, not a request: “Make me a cake.”

Hansol barely looks up from his book, raising his eyebrows in question, so Byungjoo repeats what he said. And eventually, Hansol does get up and go to the kitchen, and within the hour Byungjoo has a cake.

“Just for today, Hansol,” Byungjoo says carefully, being unreasonably bold even though he’s kind of scared, “can you just love me?”

Then he says it, finally- “But… I don’t.”

“Then just pretend.” Byungjoo says, covering the quiver in his voice with a bite of cake. It’s chocolate- Hansol’s favorite, not his. As usual. “I don’t care what- what your idea of love is, I just want you to give it to me.”

There’s a long silence filled with only the soft smacking of mouths and Byungjoo shifting uneasily in his chair before Hansol nods and pushes his plate away. “Alright, fine. I will.”

Hansol’s idea of love turns out to be Byungjoo pressed face down into the mattress, moaning helplessly and grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. Afterwards, Byungjoo doesn’t feel any better, but he certainly doesn’t feel worse.

“Do you love me?” Byungjoo asks, even though he already knows the answer. He’s trying to latch onto it- maybe Hansol will feel differently, now that he’s gotten what he wanted in the first place.

Hansol turns his head towards Byungjoo, wrapping the sheet around him. And he shakes his head.

 

When Byungjoo sees him from afar, he’s shocked at first- what could have happened to him?- but then he gets a flash of blood and gore and feels his heart lurch. He tries to pretend that it’s not him but the man flinches when a girl brushes past him and clings to the one walking with him and he just-

“Is your name Hyosang?” Byungjoo breathes out, heart pounding, and the man jumps away from him, looking up with fearful eyes. It breaks Byungjoo’s heart.

His companion shifts to stand more in front of him, answering, “Yes, it is, what do you want with him?”

Byungjoo steadies himself, telling them his name and that he wants to talk to Hyosang, alone, and he ends up sitting across from Hyosang on a plush couch stained with cheese and blood.

He sees the guilt in Hyosang’s eyes when he apologizes, crying even though he doesn’t mean to, and then Hyosang asks a few minutes later if he wants to join their sect. Byungjoo is afraid to say yes, but he nods anyway, and buries his face into Hyosang’s shoulder when Hyosang throws his arms around him.

 

Byungjoo always wanted to be important, cherished, and appreciated, and he thought he would get that when Sehyuk offered him a place at his sect. He was told of the implications of being under Sehyuk’s care- loyalty to Sehyuk, obedience to orders, and the possibility of “unpleasant things” happening to him- and he agreed, just because he wanted to get off the streets.

Sehyuk makes amicable chit chat on their way to his house and Byungjoo smiles for the first time in a long time. Then Sehyuk punches him in the face as soon as they walk in the door.

It wasn’t the last time he was hit, and even after he was given over to Hansol he felt like it was a waste. He wasn’t important- he didn’t do anything but wait around for Hansol to get home, then get ignored by him when he was home, and he wasn’t cherished or appreciated- everything he did was either for Hansol, who just said thanks and went on, or was for Sehyuk, to which he only got a pat on the head and a ‘good dog’.

So, it’s a little hard to get used to not one, but two sets of arms around him, cradling him close as he falls asleep. He made a fast friend in Jiho, bonding over video games and junk food and similar sob stories, and when he met Jiho’s boyfriend he could tell that he was going to get the shit babied out of him. And honestly, he loves it, but he’s still so scared and nervous that they’re going to tell him one day that they don’t love him at all.

But for now, they press sweet kisses to his cheeks and hands and Hojoon doesn’t do what he wants, instead asks- “Can I kiss your lips, too?”

Byungjoo nods, and Hojoon does, pecking his lips and nuzzling his face against Byungjoo’s after he pulls away. Byungjoo wants to cry.

 

“Man, what the hell, you’re awful at keeping boyfriends.”

Hansol’s not in the mood for it, so he doesn’t go for punching Sangwon’s arm like he usually does- instead he punches him square in the face, returning to his former position with his hands clasped in front of him once he knows Sangwon isn’t going to punch him back.

“I was just saying- this has happened before, you can’t keep any boyfriends… pathetic…”

“Listen, Sangwon,” Hansol says tersely, forcing a sarcastic smile, “you’ve killed everyone you’ve ever dated, so I don’t think you’re that big of an authority on this.”

Sangwon shrugs. “You’re not wrong.”

Hansol slumps down, folding his arms in front of him so he can bury his face in them. “Sehyuk told me to go get him back. I know where he is, I’ve seen him, but he’s got- I think he has friends, he’s so happy.”

“Who cares, do it anyway.” Hansol turns his head so he can look at Sangwon, and Sangwon shrugs again. “What? He’s property, everyone that Sehyuk grabs is property.”

Hansol can’t ignore the way that bothers him, but he just brushes it off, because he doesn’t feel like arguing with Sangwon today. He goes upstairs when Sangwon starts talking about someone he’s slated to kill today, pushing open his door with his foot and flopping face first onto his bed.

It still smells like light perfume and something warm and inviting, it still has makeup smeared on the pillowcase and a comb that isn’t Hansol’s still sits on the nightstand. And there’s still a band-aid with ducks on it stuck to Hansol’s arm.

He doesn’t miss Byungjoo, not particularly, but he’s lonely now.

 

Sangwon’s hands shake so hard they rattle the gun in his hand and this stupid guy won’t stop crying. This has never happened before, not to Sangwon at least. Sangwon always blocks out pleas for help and sobs, people crying for their mothers or friends or trying to bargain with him, anything at all that would distract him from doing what he was ordered to do.

This guy’s name is Taeyang, and he looks like he doesn’t get enough to eat. He’s an informant, which means he has lots of secrets locked away in that brain of his, and Sehyuk wants him dead. But there’s eyeliner streaked down his face and he’s cowering with his eyes closed, like he’s waiting for Sangwon to pull the trigger at any moment-

“God, Jesus- okay, just, come with me, please.”

Taeyang looks up, eyes wide, and Sangwon grabs his upper arm and hauls him to his feet. “You’re- you’re not going to kill me?”

“Not today, buttercup, so thank your lucky stars.” Sangwon says, trying to play it off, but he’s not quite sure how Sehyuk will feel about this. If Sangwon just lets Taeyang go, Sehyuk will find out, and Sangwon can’t exactly fake a missing bullet and blood spatter on his shirt without Sehyuk calling him out on it, so he just has to hope that Sehyuk will agree that a mind like Taeyang’s seems to be is vital.

Taeyang holds onto Sangwon’s arm the whole way to Sehyuk’s mansion, stumbling along behind him and occasionally pressing his face into Sangwon’s bicep. Sangwon sighs. He doesn’t like clingy people.

 

The box to the face doesn’t hurt much, but it’s what tumbles out of it that does. Tens of band-aids flutter out of the box and onto the floor, some of them catching on Hansol’s clothes, and Hansol takes one of the bright blue ones carefully and examines it. There’s a big blotch of blood staining it and Hansol remembers- Byungjoo hit his face on the nightstand and cut it open, he remembers smoothing the band-aid down over the wound and kissing it gently and doing what Byungjoo asked of him,  _pretending_.

“I don’t want you, I don’t love you, please just go- leave me  _alone_.” Byungjoo says, sounding exasperated as he grabs handfuls of his hair. Hansol doesn’t know what to do, but he sees the eyes of the sect members stuck to him and he knows he’s not wanted here, but Byungjoo is.

Hansol nods, swallowing. “I- Sehyuk told me to come here, so I did.”

“Yeah, you did,” Hyosang growls, though he’s still too cowardly to come out from behind Sangdo. “Now fucking leave.”

Hansol doesn’t bother responding, just nods again and turns to leave. “Sorry I came. Whatever.”

Byungjoo cared enough to keep the band-aids, cared enough to hold onto them, and then threw them in Hansol’s face. There’s one stuck to Hansol’s jacket, now, the small bit of adhesive still left on it clinging to the leather. Hansol peels it off and looks at it, sees that it’s one that has emoticons printed on the outside of it and no blood on the pad- one of the ones that Hansol had put on him for no reason. Hansol used to have a few of those too, ones that Byungjoo had randomly stuck onto his skin because he thought Hansol “looks weird without them”. Now, Hansol wonders if he still thinks the same.


End file.
